What if.....??

Aww man, I did what I never thought I would do. I think I offended someone, I didn't think that was the problem. I was sorting through my old clothes and instead of saying old clothes, my big clothes etc I said the dreaded word FAT! The worst part is that I didn't even realise that I had said it until it was bought to my attention from another friend. Tough situation to be in. How do I learn to love my new look without offending my old friends? I don't want to hurt anyone and as I said, what they do or don't do is their decision. I will support whatever decision they make. But when do I get to be happy for me? I have some major learning curves that I can't get my head around still but does it hinder it if I can't be happy that I'm getting rid of MY fat clothes? What feels fat for me is different to everyone. I still don't feel thin, I still feel very overweight. Well I still have 20 kgs to lose to get to my ideal weight, not the 'medical version' of my height vs weight and 20kgs is alot. According to the BMI calculation, I would still be overweight, but I will wear that!
Speaking of clothes, what a pain in the ass it is to not have alot of the clothes you own fit you. I was struggling going through my clothes because I kept thinking that I may need them one day. My sister kindly pointed out that I will not need them again so why would I want to keep hold of them. Well, what if? What if....the band doesn't work? (Ok so we know its working) What if.....I fall pregnant? ( I can finally buy those cute pregnancy clothes) What if....I can't find clothes that fit me? (Um, I will be able to find more clothes now that will fit me at shops than before). See, clearly I know the answers, so what am I holding onto? As I'm writing this I have come to the realisation that I am holding onto my security. I am going into the unknown. I have been overweight for so many years, my weight was my security blanket. How will I handle not having it there to hide behind? Im not good with compliments or any kind of extra attention. I tend to change the subject or say something like 'um, yeah, thanks', so graceful. Woohoo, another learning curve for me to get my head around, bonus!

So until next time...

Learn what is holding you back from success