Today's blog revisits the whole self image issues that I'm having. I recently had a look at old photos and WOW! What was I thinking? I even managed to dumbfound my bestfriend by the image. I mean she has known me for 25 years, surely she remembers what I used to look like? So if even my bestfriend couldn't imagine me ever being that size and I knew that I was big but not that big, does that mean I lived in a fog? Is that what happens when you get larger over the years? I remember not wanting photos taken and if you look at the ones with my kids, I'm not in most of them. So many missed photos. The worst are the photos that I have from the moments I can't replace. The ones from America for school, the wedding day photos, the one of family photos....I can however change the future. The future holds great promise for nicer photos. I'm going to add a new goal for the future, more photos with my family and friends. The goals list is now as follows:
* Learn how to surf
* Drive a race car
* Do a fun run
* Learn how to ski
* Go swimming more often
* More photos with family and friends
I had my appointment yesterday for my latest fill. I am currently now sitting at 5.3ml after the doctor added .3 yesterday. The average is 5.4ml and the max he has ever seen is 7.2ml. I'm thinking that I might be just about at limit anyway, definately eating smaller portions of food so restriction is good. No vomiting which is even better. I spoke to him about the 'know it all' nurse at the hospital and guess what, surprise surprise she was wrong. The band is not going to eat through my stomach and my port is located in the correct position. Have been going better with getting some exercise in everyday which is great. I have lost 1kg in the last 2 weeks, so 500g a week, which is what they want. Lets see what I can get off me over the next 2 weeks.What I'm actually finding the hardest is the love of food versus the amount of food. I love food, I love good food, when you get a meal that tastes sooo nice that you just want to devour it but can only eat a small portion, it seems like a waste. I know that the small portions is the objective of having the lapband done in the first place but its a cruel joke to my stomach. I suppose on the upside, my bank balance will like the small portions. It makes up for the cost of the fill though, $150 a pop and I'm having one every fortnight.
Until next time....
Remember: Todays present is tomorrows past, live for the future!
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